I'm home?

Back in the United States. Feelings? Queer. I feel both a stranger and at home here. I feel guilty, as though I have sinned by traveling and living abroad. The way that I think about the United States of Americ has changed during my travels. My patriotism has, in fact, crumbled. I've read books and had many conversations with Americans, Europeans, Latin Americas, etc, where it became blaringly obvious that the United States government, specifically the CIA, has performed atrocious acts and has become increasingly imperialistic. For example, during the Sandanista revolution the Reagan administration, declaring the Sanadnistas as communists, destroyed Nicaragua's oil mines and enacted a trade embargo, thus obliterating all monetary hopes of the new Nicaraguan goverment for economic sovereignty from the US. The Nicaraguan government, led at that time by the Sandanistas, were about to begin a national literacy program. Thousands of literate city dwellers attacked the rural villages wielding books, pencils, and paper. After about a year or two the money lost from the oil mines and trade embargo caused the Nicaraguans to withdraw all funds from the literacy program, and today approximately half the nation exists illiterate. Now, as I set foot upon American ground, I feel strange. I have been to a place where I no longer loved America, and I am struggling to reconcile my place as a citizen of the country with my place as a citizen of the world. With whom do my loyalties lie, I have been asking myself. And how can I live in the United States now?